the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
my poor anus
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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