dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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