my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
