4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I could make wine with my vomit
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
