Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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