so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
