3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
organizing the empties. That sober.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
