we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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