i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
