I'm gonna have a badass scar
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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