Porn is love you can see.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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