Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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