i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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