WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
