Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
