I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
