They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
