Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
