so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize