idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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