No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
