He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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