I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
