I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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