watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
