when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
