Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
