Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The police scanner is talking about you again....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
