just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
