I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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