False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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