his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
