So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
