Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Couch. On fire.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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