no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
