Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
