My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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