Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
