Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
