My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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