so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
