there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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