once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
