I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
