covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
