i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
