Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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