What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Randomize
