in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You ate ashes out of my bong
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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