One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
