Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
