I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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