I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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