if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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